Reflections

Kindra and I painted a tranquil waterfall scene in our bedroom; it took a long time, but was totally worth it!

 Austin here with my first blog update in a long while.  I have felt hesitant over the last few months to blog, simply because this stage of our journey has had such personal and impacting effects on me.  I am developing into the man I was always meant to be, and to go through that process has meant wrestling with and struggling through the difficulties of my past and present.  The concept of blogging is an interesting one; ANYONE can read about how your life is going, whether close friend or distant relative.  It's easy to blog about how things are going well, or to share some of the hardships without the most painful or intimate details.  But it can be uncomfortable to be totally real, to reveal your inner soul, the depth of longings and fears that you feel. 

So enevitably, I will hold back from sharing everything about everything, but I would like to spread out here a few personal thoughts of our last few months.  Our reasoning for staying in Turkey was developmental in nature, to learn deep things from God about ourselves.  And I would definitely say that this has happened, through a number of unexpected avenues and pathways.  We faced immense hardship searching for a new apartment while working 30+ hours a week teaching English, and our relationship grew apart as we were sooo busy and focused on different things.  After a series of difficult conversations and relational dischord, we discovered how apart we had become, and how it was necssarry to "restart" our relationship, and do things like shopping at the pazar together and cooking together as opposed to doing things apart to be more efficent.  Life is not about efficiency; life is about being present with those closest to us, and I am definitely sure that simply being with Kindra and having a ton of fun together through life's ups and downs is so much better than slugging through the journey alone.  I have a tendency to do most things on my own, like I don't need anyone, like I have a deep rooted belief that no one has my back, and that I have to fend for myself.  This is so not true; Kindra is one special girl who time and time again surprises me with her care, ingenuity, and energy for life.  I am so thankful for her.

Through the journey, I have learned a few things, the first one being that I don't want to live in Turkey again.  Now, don't get me wrong, Turkey is a great country full of natural beauty, rich culture, and great food.  Living here and learning the language has been a fulfilling and beautiful experience.  But at the same thing, through working and living up close and personal with the culture this time round, I have been able to see more deeply into some of the culture's pitfalls.  Conformity is paramount in Turkey, and to be different, say to be a homosexual or a Christian Turk or a minority such as a Kurd or someone who wants to follow their own dreams and not their family's is to go against unsavory traditions that are rooted in control and fear, not in love or freedom.  Families can be quick to mock, criticize and disown their children for any of the reasons I mentioned, and although this similar attitude can exist in America, I see it being much more prevalent and destructive in Turkey.  There are also an alarming number of unhealthy relational disconnects between fathers and their sons, and I know a number of young Turkish men who feel belittled and distant from their dads.  In addition, in our workplace (and most workplaces in Turkey), employee discrimination and greedy business practices are unbelievably present, and discouraging to think about.  Add to this a toxic corruption scandal surrounding the Turkish Prime Minister, Tayyip Erdogan, and it's easy to see why I am ready to move on, at least from city life.  To balance this all out, I would say that we have made a great deal of close friends, and found a niche in Izmir, with a huge park nearby and snuggly cats (who are growing like crazy!). 

On a more positive note, my journey into good nutrition has evolved: I am currently a relatively strict follower of the Weston A. Price Diet (somewhat similar to Paleo).  Given the resources of cheap and fresh meats and dairy, it made sense for me to give it a try at this stage of our trip.  I now eat daily liberal amounts of butter, eggs, meats of all varieties, properly soaked bulgur and walnuts, homemade unpasteurized yogurt, beetroot tonics, and some vegetables cooked or raw.  Additionally, weekly I will consume some form of animal organ meat, and perhaps a homemade bone broth.  Crazy, right?  It's totally the opposite of the FDA/USDA's recommendations for reducing fat/saturated fat intake, but I personally think these recommendations are based on bad science and a huge lobby from the grain, sugar and processed vegetable oil industries.  Anyways, I feel amazing, and I also feel I have finally found my dietary niche.  Sometimes I do want to simply go out and hunt an animal, maybe someday. Our roommate Uluc is totally in on the diet too, we drool while talking about butter and meat, all while Kindra laughs at us and eats her chocolate pound cake.

Looking back on the last twenty months or so, since we began our journey, so much has happened.  We have WWOOFed, bought and subsequently destroyed a cheap car, met amazing people, met difficult people, camped in every weather imaginable, saw many of the world's most stunning beauties, learned a lot about eachother, discovered endless avenues of the closeness of God, and found ourselves in a whole new way.  This six month run in Turkey has solifidied in many ways who we are and what we desire out of life.  I have learned about tenderness, about representing myself, about caring for Kindra.  I have also matured a great deal; I feel more equipped to handle difficult people and manage uncomfortable environments.  Most of all, I feel that I have a better grip on the life I want to live, one of tender love and presentness to anyone I meet, one of people surrounding us, a community where we can care for and accept each other.  I want a life not based on status, on money, on career, on fake pleasantries, on hiding my heart, but rather a life free and real and loving, where I can be fully myself, and give others the space to feel the same.  I want a life in the wild, where we make our own food and have property where nature and peacefulness are ever present.  I want a life of freeing others and discovering more and more the freedom and experience that God has for me.  I want a family, children who are in our midst day in and day out, not away at a daycare or school, but rather soaking in our love and learning to find themselves underneath our shade.  This is all a great deal counter cultural, but I don't mind it, I am not afraid to be different.  Are you?

As you finish reading this, I wish you a beautiful day and a wonderful journey in your life, in its own way and time.  We are unsure of our steps after Turkey, but we are sure of the spirit in which we want to take them, and this is enough for us :)

Love be upon you!